I feel since I have been in limbo for so long, that in this state of mid air I have grown wings. Not touching the ground has made me enjoy the sense of not being fixed, and not being on solid ground.
In the last few months I have moved on, also with my creative thinking. For fear of losing that 'lilla lotta" feel, I maintained a certain style. Which was boxing me in, and ultimately making me very sad.
Whilst I was living in the South of France I struggled desperately with health issues. I am now certain that the horrid heat was not helping my recovering. Being the Northern soul, I suit the chillier and windier climates. Being a freckled red head with viking blood, this is not too surprising.
One of the symptoms that have been almost a constant nuisance is trembling and shaking hands. I had to stop trying to create lettering and paintings. The strain it caused me, was horrible. The inability terribly frustrating. Which in turn moved me to work more digitally, the key board doesn't mind if I happen to have the shakes. And I get my much needed "creative fix". I am as compulsive and obsessed with creating as I always have been.
But most of my belongings live in boxes. My fabric stacks were given away, and a dear friend is taking care of my sewing machine, until I can use those wings I have been growing, and take off to my new life.....
Perhaps those shakes will calm then as well. When I get a chance to shoot some roots for the first time in years.
So here is me hoping that the change of how I create has not been too big too fast and too weird. Because I am still LillaLotta, and I will be making a huge mess with inks, paints and fabrics again soon.
Being a mum of five, and getting on with it, (seeing I feel about 97 years old most days,) I went to see a doctor to go on birth control a while ago, when I was still living in France.
There she was, a middle aged gp with a frighteningly empty waiting room. This, in hindsight, should have been a clue.
I kindly asked to be put on birth control pills, and was told by her that I was much too old to consider such a thing. And why would I want to? (Having five children did not come into the conversation. )
I continued asking for the pill, and was told that I should just have my tubes tied. And informed her that I was under no circumstances having anything tied. If there was going to be any surgical endeavours, this shall be undertaken by the man, and not by the woman that pushed out five children.
She tutted at this. She was disgusted with me.
And stated that men should never be 'done' and that women should always take on this task.
At the end of the conversation, I left through the empty waiting room, having paid her 25 euros for her opinion, and no birth control to pick up at the pharmacy.
Sometimes I am just left wondering.
So I went out and treated myself on a selection of rain bow macaroons.
A feel of fresh and new. But at the same time going back to where I kind of started so long ago with my love for collage and mix media. Taking a chance to change a certain style, or as I was hoping, to add to it, and not take away. I have an endless amount of plans. But then, I always do.